Monday, November 22, 2004

get us out from under Wonder Woman!

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

as if i didn't have enough to feel depressed about... i was checking the scales at work yesterday only to discover that i weigh just shy of two hundred fucking pounds. this same thing happened about a month ago when i checked them, and i saw that i weighed 190lbs. i am a whale. i had, up until about a year and a half ago, weighed in at 170 lbs and had been that size for about 15yrs. yay! fatness! grrrrr..........

Saturday, November 06, 2004

i feel like some switch inside my mind has been flipped, and another veil has been lifted. i am maxed out by the effects of the things going on in my life of late,and i'm tired of feeling continually exhausted and anxious. i reread many of my old posts, and it seems clear that it takes quite a long time for me to catch on. i allow myself to remain broken. hopefully the result of this week's trip to the doctor will be positive. my life in general has become unmanageable, and i need to take responsibility for that fact. and then do somethings about it. emotionally, physically, mentally, financially i am at an end. i can feel myself gettting old. i am not old, but i look into my own eyes and i see age catching up. it's not the tempered wear of experience that gives the look of apparent wisdom. it's rough and ugly, like my body is telling me that i have been railing against what i should be for a long time. i want peace and harmony in my life. i want some spiritual guidance. i want to be centered... now back to work... if you listen carefully you can hear my soul whimpering in the distance...

Friday, November 05, 2004

that was stupid...but i'm going to leave it there to show myelf how stupid i can get. why the hell haven't i posted anything that has happened this year? jennifer sent alura to arizona and the kids moved in in march. we got kicked out of our apt in may, because the landcunt didn't want a gay couple with kids living above her.... moved to amherst. quit michaels. i now work at linens-N-shit. michelle turned out to be a bitch. jason's mom passed away in july. saw madonna in toronto in august. i am completely isolated, miserable and without desperately needed medication. it's all homework and grind. the kids are starting to hate it here. oh and bush is the goddamned president...again. help...
ten random crap-ass truths:
1. my life sucks
2. it's all my fault
3. i'm a psycho
4. my relationship is slowly unwinding
5. my kids think my boyfriend hates them and i see little evidence to combat the idea.
6. i think he hates me too but won't admit it
7. i'd like to have a friend and/ or some fun someday soon.
8. my job is the shittiest part of my life
9. i suck at being a father
10. the end is nigh

Thursday, August 05, 2004

So you were maybe expecting more virtual silence? why not now, that's why. ..
ten random thoughts:
1. yes it's true. i now and again enjoy a little paris, but i prefer nicole richie. so shove it now.
2. i still haven't seen fahrenheit 911. and i know who michael moore is already.
3. 2004- the anybody but bush / john kerry reporting for duty campaign.
4. i can't believe some of these old entries.
5. gay fatherhood is great.
6. there is a lifetime of too many things to catch up on...
7. retail is the reason the world is what it looks like these days.
8. yes, madonna looks great up close, bitch.
9. a really nice lady passed out of several lives recently , and we will all miss her...
10. mark loves jason. ( and jason loves mark. and we're all doing pretty damn well...)
more later...

Sunday, January 11, 2004

p.s. anyone who gives a crap about paris hilton, raise your hand nice and high so i can shoot you. that is all.
yesterday, i had to drive to lake ontario to pick up my daughters from the gates of white trash hell. when i arrived they were reveling with the other little girls in what can only be described as an all- female production of lord of the flies. it was a modern day version of a timeless classic set against a backdrop of plaster board walls and big screen tvs. if there was an adult present at all, i might have asked what it is about white trash that gives them such an interesting set of priorities. most humans possess three basic needs for food, shelter, and clothing. the wt seem to be able to bypass at least two of these needs in favor of amenities such as oversized electronics or giant aquariums. witness the $5000 audio system rattling the windows of a '96 cavalier or the shack with no more furniture than the aforementioned 100in television. yes, i am skirting the fact that my kids were in a pathetic shithole with no adult supervision at the edge of the fucking planet with nothing more to eat than chips. apparently this is what constitutes a slumber party in the land of one toothed hillbillies of which my ex-wife is a willing resident. if i don't treat this with humor i will cry or worse... i will join them at there own level. i'll git my shotgun and give them all what-fer. i'm beginning to understand how piggy felt just before he hit the rocks...