this has been an eventful few weeks. last night jason and i went to my brother's house for a christmas party, and much to my surprise my sisters, susan and karen, were both there. i wonder what they are thinking now that it's obvious that matt and i are both gay and live with our partners. my worst fear is that they will think thereis some sort of sibling connection. like it's matt's fault or something retarded like that, just because they found us out at the same time. i hope they realize that those were two totally seperate journeys that took years to unfold for both of us. i am glad to have my brother back. i think chris is fantastic and i enjoy the company of his friends. today, at work, there was an incident i could have written ten pages about alone, but time heals all wounds. let's just say i am glad that christmas is almost over, and that i hate upper middle class assholes that don't know when their own children are hopeless reprobates. yes, little max, i'm sure that that tube of permanent rose acrylic paint just spontaneously exploded all over your pants like you told your parents. afterall they say you never lie... and i'm sure they know best. i hope they enjoy visiting their number one son in the juvenile detention hall, kiddo.
i hate people and their offspring. damn them all to hell. jason and i watched lord of the rings while wrapping presents. good times. it took the length of the film to finish the gifts. that's a lot of santa. lotr is the greatest epic movie of all time. i am in awe...

i can't sleep. i just posted a recap of the past year's events on this gay fatherhood group i joined. i can't get my head around how i'm going to take care of the kids in january. of course, i can't wait to have them. i miss them all the time. i just don't know how i'm going to balance it all. i just want them to have some stability in thier lives. i also can't think of alura going to live with her father in arizona without sobbing. i just can't take it. i keep seeing her in my mind as the little two year old curly headed cutie that stole my heart. how could anyone be so selfish to want her to just go away? i will never understand it. i wish i had a ton of money to hire a shark of a lawyer to prove them all insane, so i could get custody of all three of my kids. i'm so bitter, but more than that, i'm just fucking sad. these guys shouldn't have to go through all this. it isn't fair. i feel like it's all my fault for finally coming out. would they have been better off the way things were with only me suffering through a facade, or is this better that i am who i am and our family is scattered to the winds. i hate this... i hate it almost as much as i hate the idea of getting up in 3 hours to go to that shithole job. ho, ho,ho merry fucking christmas.

i remember when i was growing up watching television that the peanut's christmas special was brought to you by dolly madison, my bologna had a first name, and the harshest thing you heard about was how to spell relief...
last night sierra came into the kitchen, picked up alura's presciption off the table and said "the purple pill called nexium."
how disturbing is this? my life was full of green giants pushing vegetables or people trying to fool laundrymat customers with their ancient chinese secret. now kids grow up thinking that people get around on their hover-rounds, popping pills that have side effects that include nausea, anal leakage and teratogenic deformities in unborn children, and that their parents are their only anti-drug. calgon take me away...

ten random thoughts:
1. i'm tired of friendships being held together by random emails that are sent to me and fifteen of their other best friends.
2. yes, i will vote for hilary clinton, when and if she runs... so fuck off.
3. i am going to add a page to my sight devoted to the " sanctity of marriage", and it will showcase every public example of bad hetero marraiges i can think to list. (ie. michael jackson & lisa marie presley)
4. it's been far too long since i last posted.
5. i'm tired of women that spontaneously decide they don't want to be a mommy anymore.
6. pumpkin pie is awesome.
7. arrested development is the only reason to own a tv these days... justin bateman is still hot.
8. melinda and i agreed the other day- there is no time in our lives we can remember that jon stamos wasn't the yummiest.
9. i love that i say things like yummiest now.
10. i can't wait to take the kids to uncle matthew's house this week to make x-mas cookies.