drunken romantic comedy watching with my honey is the best. jason is jewel. only gayer. not a precious stone mind you, but a yoddling folk singer who is channeling britney spears at the moment. i like jewel. she's neato.
and then jason said...
"Hi look I'm Jason typing in Mark's journal! You can catch me every once in a blue moon at Live Journal through some link at Mark's site. But my journal is just some ranting of gloom and doom usually. However, so is Mark's. But really we're happy people so don't believe the hype!!!!!! Girl Power!"
m- " way to plug your own site, you weiner."
j-"It's maaaagic! Wow Mark are we plastered or what!? Mmm booze is the necter of the gods! Mark stop correcting my spelling you ho bag.
m- " well, it is nectAr after all... i can't help it if you can't spell. and yes, i think we are plastered a bit, jason. back to you..."
j-"This is the worst interview ever! At least I don't need to look at the keyboard to type, even if I am wasted! How much is Vogue paying us anyway?"
m- "so tell me Mr. Yalowich, what made you decide to become a teenage girl in the first place, and how has this effected your social life?"
j-"Well, I think it's because I was obsessed with blonde superstars growing up so I said, you know...fuck it! I'll just become one! And it's working out great. You know that movie 'The Hot Chick'? That's based on my story. One day I just woke up and I had bubbies!"
m- "your answers are long and silly. i think i'm done now. is this the fun we have when noone is around to see? "
j- "Why yes, yes it is. I rock the Backspace you know...better than anyone before me. Has anyone ever told you you really whoop the llama's ass? Because you do. Uh oh! Trouble making teens outside! I better go Slay them before they wake up Ol Mrs Durfuck! Bye!"
m-"i think jaisohn is hallucinating now. maybe he'll pass out so i can take advantage of him. stop biting me you fucktard. jason is hitting me fast like an agent in the matrix. we are all children of the matrix...say goodbye, jason."
j-"Peage out niggas! I can't feel my face...it must be the reptile race controlling my existance! OH NO!!!! WE'RE DOOOMMEMMEED!!!!! DOOOMEOMEOEMED!"
m-"freak."
this concludes tonights broadcast of mystery faggot theater... tune in next time when we sit at home drunk and watch movies...

I've had so many lives
Since I was a child
And I realise
How many times I've died

I'm not that kind of guy
Sometimes I feel shy
I think I can fly
Closer to the sky

No one's telling you how to live your life
But it's a setup until you're fed up

This world is not so kind
People trap your mind
It's so hard to find
Someone to admire

I, I sleep much better at night
I feel closer to the light
Now I'm gonna try
To improve my life

No one's telling you how to live your life
But it's a setup until you're fed up
It's no good when you're misunderstood
But why should I care
What the world thinks of me
Won't let a stranger
Give me a social disease

Nobody, nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Like you know me

Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Like you know me

No one's telling you how to live my life
But it's a setup, and I'm just fed up
It's no good when you're misunderstood
But why should I care
What the world thinks of me
Won't let a stranger
Give me a social disease

I don't want no lies
I don't watch TV
I don't waste my time
Won't read a magazine

I don't want no lies
I don't watch TV
I don't waste my time
Won't read a magazine

I, I sleep much better at night
I feel closer to the light
Now I'm gonna try
To improve my life

Nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Like you know me

*Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Like, like you know me
Like you know me
Like you know me
Like you know me
Like you know me

*(Its no fun but the damage is done
Don't want your social disease
Don't want your social disease)

**Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Like you know me

Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Nobody knows me
Don't want your social disease

**(I don't want no lies
I don't watch TV
I don't waste my time
Won't read a magazine
I don't want no lies
I don't watch TV
Won't read a magazine)

nobody knows me- madonna- american life

this is what random searches will get you...
I was as skeptical as any sane person would be that morning, fourteen years ago, when I loaded Rodney, my cat, into his carrier to take him down to the holistic veterinary clinic where a psychic was seeing animals
that is the funniest thing i never intended to read in my life. all i did was type my boyfriend is a ninny into google, and viola!
pride was fun yesterday. thinking about it makes me almost forget how crappy today was. please say that i don't have to go back to that hell hole tomorrow... must remember not to procrastinate any longer and find that new job. feeling clever, creative and tired. guess it will all come out in dreams. speaking of coming out...pride was fun yesterday. i especially loved taunting the jesus freaks. i learned that jesus hates our lifestyle, and that ricky is the gayest boy alive. seeing so many gay people united together was empowering. i then scooted to lockport to visit the family and heard my sister say nine inch nails... i thought i could go through my entire life without ever having heard anyone in my family refer to trent and co. of course we were talking about johnny cash- the original man in black. if anyone thinks i'm a leftover goth for wearing black so often... well, all i can say is i walk the line...

time well spent...
at this very moment, i'm actually alone. i haven't been by myself very often over the past few months. in fact, i can't remember when i was able to string together a few hours of uninterrupted, quiet time for myself. i've always enjoyed be alone. i am the youngest of five kids with a four year gap to the next kid up the line. the oldest and i share a twelve year span. when it comes to my family, i have always felt like an only child. my brother and i shared a room for fifteen years, but i don't think that counts for much in terms of a feeling of togetherness. he had his thing and i had mine, and they very rarely mixed. in that light, i grew up a lonely little boy. i'm not sure how true that actually is, but it certainly feels true enough. i'm not sure if my loner- mentality was thrust upon me, or if i accepted it willingly later on. i've always tried to figure my way around life without help. i prefer it that way. if i make a mistake, no one can blame me but me. it's been murder on the brain and nerves trying to figure out the entire universe for myself. people have come and gone, trying to help along the way, but in the end i have the final word. i create my own destiny. however, this roadmap to life that i have created for myself, after millions of constant revisions, appears to be flawed. in fact, it appears to be not working at all. i am now and have been forever stuck in the mode of thinking about every single thing that i do on a daily basis, and trying to discern how it relates to life, the universe and everything else. each idle moment of my day is spent analyzing a past moment, be it a conversation from a minute ago to an altercation with a bully from the second grade. i just can't stop thinking- about everything. i believe i can safely say that i have spent a large portion of the past ten years locked in a constant loop of self-torture about the ten years of my life before that. i can no longer see forward at all, let alone stay in this moment. so how much time alone is too much time alone? since separating from my wife, eight months or so ago, i have been on a constant schedule of work, kids, and boyfriend. this is what i wanted. this is what i dreamt of secretly- and not so secretly- for the last few years. i was going to come out, hang out with my kids, and find a special someone to have a good time with. my criteria for that special someone was an almost impossible wish list of character traits and common interests that could never be fulfilled, so that would free up my spare time. i would be able to spend the hours of my newly found freedom however i saw fit. as fate always has it with me, i got what i apparently needed- not necessarily what i wanted. i found a guy that immediately got under my skin- good and bad. the bad, i have found out over the past months is mostly not there. it's the sight that straining to study my defunct life roadmap has left me with that makes it look bad. i keep trying to come at this thing with old reactions and motivations, and they just don't stick. as much as i have railed against this relationship, i realize that it's just an attempt to not be happy. i have spent so much time in regret, trying not to be happy. i can't do it anymore. i need to lose the map, and just take a walk. i'm going to see a new therapist today. i have delved so deeply into self- help at this point that i have become immune to it's new age, pearls of wisdom, bullshit charms. i need someone to just smack me upside the head and say "would you just fucking relax, already?” i have a good feeling about this one. in the moments that my mind isn't messing this up- i have a good feeling about a lot of things these days. what it comes down to is this- i have been alone for an hour now. i miss my kids; i miss jason, and really don't care about work. time well spent, i'd say...