i feel like some switch inside my mind has been flipped, and another veil has been lifted. i am maxed out by the effects of the things going on in my life of late,and i'm tired of feeling continually exhausted and anxious. i reread many of my old posts, and it seems clear that it takes quite a long time for me to catch on. i allow myself to remain broken. hopefully the result of this week's trip to the doctor will be positive. my life in general has become unmanageable, and i need to take responsibility for that fact. and then do somethings about it. emotionally, physically, mentally, financially i am at an end. i can feel myself gettting old. i am not old, but i look into my own eyes and i see age catching up. it's not the tempered wear of experience that gives the look of apparent wisdom. it's rough and ugly, like my body is telling me that i have been railing against what i should be for a long time. i want peace and harmony in my life. i want some spiritual guidance. i want to be centered... now back to work... if you listen carefully you can hear my soul whimpering in the distance...