updating the journal- i suck at this game. peter gabriel was awesome. totally- for sure. he played for two and a half hours. what a wonderful birthday it was. sunday jason's family had a small party for me. it was nice. sierra and rylee loved the pool . they were in there for nearly seven hours. altogther it was a relaxing vacation. the kids and i went to see midsummer night's dream the night before alura went to arizona. i miss her so much already. everytime i think about not seeing her for months i die inside. i just want to cry. there is so much to deal with all the time. i feel like i'm going to shut down. i think it's taking it's toll on everyone around me. i'm tired of being miserable, and i don't want to think about these things, but sometimes i just can't help it. i am going to get better, and i am going to do right for my kids. we'll just have to wait and see who else sticks around. i'm not really down- i'm just so tired. i've gotten no sleep for days. too heavy can't move. too heavy can't move...