how is spent my weekend as a ball of seething anger, or why jennifer merlin sucks...

so my children's mother, who will from here on out will be known only as "the egg donor" was supposed to watch the kids saturday night. these plans were made after days of leaving unanswered messages on her phone, to which she eventually replied- after making some lame excuse that her cell phone battery had died. then saturday afternoon about one hour before i drop them of at her "home", she calls to cancel wondering if she could just get them the following morning. jason, the kids, and i were in the middle of what was supposed to be an enjoyable outing to the tropical fish store to stock up on pretty fishies for our new tank. after hanging up the phone with her the first time, i paced the floor a few times like a caged animal. i then asked the kids to go over to where jason was on the other side of the store and made another call. of course i got her voicemail even though i had just talked to her, because if she answered the phone now, she might somehow be wrangled into watching her kids after all. anyway, i proceeded to spit about five years worth of anger at her in a message that was heavily decorated with f-bombs and the like. apparently only threats of lawyers and visitation rights, etc. is going to get through to the stupid, manipulative bitch. i have just so had it. all weekend i kept going from zero to rage in five seconds at the mere mention of her name. then when i picked the kids up yesterday, they tried to tell me whatever lame excuse their mother had cooked up to fool them. how lame! then she has the audacity to leave me a message about how "we need to talk because we are both 'adults' and can work this out." translation- "i'm scared shitless because after a year or so of constantly proving to be an irresponsible, unfit mother you're finally taking legal action." i'm sorry holding down a job for a record three weeks does not make you an adult- nor does watching your own children only when it doesn't interfere with your boyfriend's amature bar band practice. i absoultely HATE this woman. i understand that divorces are commonly not pretty and everyone hates their ex, etc. this is not what i mean. i mean i hate this person. she is a despicable human being. to be nice to her means you can guarantee she will try to take advantage of you. she takes absolutely no responsibilty for her actions, it is always someone else's fault if things she causes go wrongly, and we are all meant to feel sorry for her when her great attempts to just coast through life fail. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!! i am so done with it all. i was shaking when i had to go pick up the kids and had to have jason come along with me for fear that if i went alone, i would surely end up on the eleven o'clock news... i don't know what to do about her or all this anger i have at the moment, but i know i am done with the lame excuses as to why she can't be a mother. she will be a mother if i have to get the state of new york to make her do it or make her give up the job officially. the idea that she now wants to sit down and talk is laughable. hey, here's an idea. i'll call you to set up a time to talk. when you call me back to confirm, i'll ignore my phone for three days and say the dog ate my homework as an excuse. then when you do finally get ahold of me i will set up an appointment only to cancel it an hour prior. we can do that over and over for about a year or so. then when you are as fucking frustrated with the whole routine as i am , then and only then will we talk like adults. i need a nap. of course that won't be happening because i have to go downtown to sign the kids up for an after-school porgram and then go work for ten hours stopping only to spend my lunch break driving the kids to my sister's house after they get out of school- that is if my sister calls me back to let me know if she IS watching the kids for me. why am i a miserable prick lately? you only need one guess...