in the spirit of updating this site on a monthly basis to pay homage to my lyrical and artistic favorites, i've changed the content more than actually write journal entries. to say that the last few weeks have been eventful would be one of the larger understatements of my life. in fact this year has been a passage into the surreal all around. i didn't want this blog to be an endless string of personal problems and bitching- even i'm sick of hearing it. the time has come, however, to share. the reader's digest abridged version might read something like this: i've been married for a little over seven years, have been going to counseling with my wife over the past ten months, and we've amicably agreed to get a divorce. there are a thousand stories, a hundred grudges, and many sleepless nights that came before that final decision, obviously. there is a book in there i'm sure, but it would exceed my memory limit- and i'm not just talking about the amount of space allowed on my site. during the first ten minutes of our last marriage counseling session two weeks ago, we basically looked at each other and decided to stop the bullshit. we've tried for years now to work all this out, mostly for the sake of the kids. it's just not going to work that way. i'd rather my kids grow up seeing us get along apart than miserable together. for so long divorce was just not an option. it seemed to me as the easy way out- an option that too many people choose too easily. we aren't shirking our responsibilities. we aren't deluding ourselves into thinking this will make life easier- it will make it all that much harder. i know for myself, however, that the pain of being untrue to myself at this point is worse than the pain of change. i'm sure jennifer feels the same. immediately after the our agreement, we both felt like a weight had been lifted off our shoulders. the scoreboard was taken down, and all that crap we have been putting each other through was gone- well not gone, but no longer as important. we got along better over the next few days than we had in seven years. it was nice to feel like friends again. things have seemed to go in and out of favor since then, but i think overall we will be good. we have quite a bit to work through, mentally, legally, etc. if we're comfortable with the choices we make, we don't care what anyone thinks. we can get through this, we can stay close ,and as long as the kids are our top priority, we'll all be alright. there are so many more things to say, so many factors to weigh, but i'll save it for another time...