i'm not the type of person who feels the need to use the new year as a reason to start anew and resolve issues in my life. let's just say that i have hit another wall in my life, and it's time to rid myself of the things that continually drive me there. i suppose i shouldn't be surprised that it has come to this. having the kids was supposed to have been the right choice and the good thing in my life. it has been nothing but a constant struggle. that is not to say that i made the wrong choice or that i hold my children responsible. when it's just us, things seem more manageable. yes, i get frustrated and impatient, but it's mostly because i feel completely alone- that the only help i get is undeserved or worse- reluctantly given. i realize that the only reason my "boyfriend" has been with me for two years is because he doesn't know what else to do with himself. he has helped me with the kids as much as he can, but it won't last much longer. his impatience and lack of caring has done nothing but kill whatever relationship they have, and it's not doing anything for me either. i've become way to dependent on him lately anyway. whatever, it's just about over... fuck it all.